For the anon with the uncertain boyfriend: you should also talk to your bf about what he considers signs of you wanting sex - what kind of body language he associates with wanting sex. It could be that you're sending 'yes' signals and he's not recognising them. I've had partners who have interpreted cuddling on a couch as 'up for sex' and partners who have interpreted me taking my clothes off in front of them as 'probably not up for sex'.
Good advice! And, frankly, nothing that can’t be cleared up by some communication.
I have kind of a random question but I don't know who else to ask. So my boyfriend said that he feels like he's using me for sex when he tries to initiate it. I have no idea how to convince him that I don't feel that way, and I want to do it with him. What should I say?
OH MAN. This is a rough position to be in, anon!
I think I understand why your boyfriend feels the way that he does, because I imagine some of this insecurity comes from the fact that, at least in America, we’re all raised to believe that girls don’t want sex and that boys, in negotiating for sex, are negotiating something away from the girls. Men pursue enthusiastically, women “give in” reluctantly.
We as humans know that this is hardly the case. Some men hardly ever want to have sex, or never do, and that’s OK. Some women want to have sex ALL THE DANG TIME, and that is also OK. Vice versa, too! And of course we as humans know that gender is much more fluid than what society would have us believe.
But when we’re with a sexual partner, it can be very hard to divorce these things we’ve been told all of our lives from that partner and sex itself. America in particular has a very conservative attitude towards sex — we’re total prudes while simultaneously sexualizing everything in sight. It’s confusing as heck, man. And in a world where we don’t get great sex ed, it has a huge impact!
All this to say that you should talk to your boyfriend about why he feels this way. Sit down with him and just listen. He may not quite be able to articulate it, and that’s okay, but ask him to try. It’s entirely possible that he’s so used to the idea that women being loud in their appreciation of sex (porn, man) means that however you express yourself sexually doesn’t register for him as arousal. It could be that it has nothing to do with you, but insecurity about sex and sexuality in general. But you won’t know unless you ask!
So talk it out. Listen, and tell him how you feel with vulnerability and from the heart. If it’s a larger issue than him just needing to be convinced, or needing to see different kinds of sexual appreciation, couples counseling is a total valid and valuable way to work through issues like this with someone you really care about (if it’s available to you).
It’s fine for men to watch shojo anime and read shojo manga like Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura.
It’s fine for men to make pornographic doujinshi of these, buy figurines, and jack off to the characters.
It’s fine for men to completely invade a Pretty Cure forum created for young girls and scare said girls away. It’s fine for these men to twist the entire fandom around themselves, its fine for them to show up to Pretty Cure events in throngs and its fine for them to frantically grab all the free handouts before any of the girls can.
It’s also fine for men to take these magical girl anime made for girls that celebrate being a girl and make them all about their pornography and which girl they most want to put their dick in. It’s fine, because theres even a cute name for them, ‘Ooki Tomodachi’ (Big Friend).
It’s fine for them to do the same with My Little Pony, of course. It’s fine that they can make the voice actors of the show uncomfortable with personal questions, its fine that they can yell out rape jokes to them at conventions, its fine that they have basically made it impossible for any of the 8 year old girls the show was made for to ever google it in public. It’s fine for them to gather in the toy stores around the pony toys and intimidate young girls. It’s fine that the whole show, created to celebrate femininity and how ‘theres no wrong way to be a girl’ is now associated with their fetishes. And its so fine that these male fans get given a cute name (‘brony’), get documentaries made about them, have newspaper article after blog post after feature talking about how they are ‘challenging gender norms’ and ‘transforming pop culture’.
But if a girl ‘trespasses’ into a male space, what happens? (Even when it isnt ‘trespassing’, in the case of Free!, in which a space was actually made for us ) We can expect such timeless classics as: degradation, ‘you’re not even a REAL fan!’ ‘I bet you dont even know ______’, all kinds of threats, and, of course, the posts you see on this blog.”
bisexual activist and queer theory blogger Patrick RichardsFink (via fliponymous)
this is an interesting point, although mathematically inaccurate: assuming the women:men, 0.78:1 ratio is correct, men make $1.28 for every woman’s $1
White people are still the ~standard so that’s not so revolutionary.
A white man makes $1.34 for every dollar that a black man makes
A white man makes $1.52 for every dollar that a latino man makes
A white man makes $1.24 for every dollar that a white woman makes
A white man makes $1.44 for every dollar that a black woman makes
A white man makes $1.67 for every dollar that a latina woman makes
That’s some bullshit right there.
If you take away anything from this website, please let it be what I bolded ^
"Kinks Shirt" by Matt Nathanson
What I really appreciate about this video is that the song makes no mention of the woman’s trans* status; they could have easily done something different with this video, and had Matt’s love interest be cis.
But no, she’s trans*, and most importantly, Character!Matt doesn’t care. They meet, they flirt, they sleep together, they talk over breakfast and clearly have a connection. That’s what matters, not the fact that this woman wasn’t born with a vagina.
THIS IS A BIG DEAL YOU GUYS
God, I didn’t think I needed more reasons to love Matt Nathanson but apparently now I have some.
okay wow this is super cute
i don’t think i’ve ever in my life seen any form of media where there is a trans woman as a love interest who isn’t treated like a freak, isn’t made into a weird fetish object, AND LIVES THROUGH THE ENTIRE THING
and suddenly here it is
i mean its not totally perfect in every way (the “unveiling” of her trans status to the viewers made me cringe a little) but the fact that she’s trans, he knows she’s trans, and it has no bearing on whether he’s into her is just
its fucking nice to see something positive for once
PLUS THE AUDIENCE JUST APPLAUDS AND THERE’S NO GROSS REACTION SHOTS OF PEOPLE GASPING AND I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS
Awww this is so freakin cute aaahh
THIS IS THE BEST