ok so all these guys who are like “men have it hard too!!! we’re expected to be manly and emotionless, we have feelings!!!” do realize that it’s other men who enforce those standards on guys. literally guys created those standards to be more powerful than women. so maybe instead of getting angry at girls for talking about their oppression, realize that you should be fighting with girls against unfair gender expectations and inequality
Before John Green, his general category of realistic (non-fantasy) YA was rife with teen angst and “issues” fiction that you might have associated with the legendary Judy Blume, or with newer writers like Sarah Dessen or Laurie Halse Anderson. Anderson’s classic 1999 novel Speak, about a high schooler struggling to deal with the aftermath of sexual assault, was so influential that three years later Penguin launched an entire imprint named after it. One of the books launched under the behest of Speak was Green’s Looking for Alaska. But it’s Green whose name you’re more likely to know today, not Anderson’s, although Anderson has won more awards and written more books.
On Twitter, Green has 2 million followers. Compared to the rest of the leaders in Young Adult fiction, that number is staggering. To approach even half the Twitter influence of John Green all by himself, you need an entire army of YA women. Anderson, Blume, Dessen, Veronica Roth, Cassandra Clare, Richelle Mead, Margaret Stohl, Kami Garcia, Rainbow Rowell, Maureen Johnson, Malinda Lo, Holly Black, LJ Smith, Ellen Hopkins, Shannon Hale, Lauren Myracle, Libba Bray, Melissa Marr, and Leigh Bardugo: As a group these women only have about 1.2 million followers on Twitter. That’s the voice of one man outweighing several decades of women who have had major successes, critical acclaim, and cultural influence.
Despite how incredibly common abortion is, it remains mired in stigma and misinformation. Much of what we may think we know about this subject is actually outright lies told by abortion opponents to dissuade women out of seeking safe and legal abortion care.
My first piece at Rolling Stone is now up! I debunk seven common anti-choice lies about abortion. Please read and share, friends!
Regarding eating disorders and seeing doctors: If you think you have an ED, SEE A DOCTOR NO MATTER WHAT YOUR WEIGHT IS! (this goes for people with OED and BED too) Regardless of your weight, you can cause serious harm to your body in regards to organ damage, hormone and nutrient imbalances, etc. I have struggled with an ED for over 10 years and not once have I been underweight, but numerous times I've been in severe medical danger. WEIGHT DOES NOT DETERMINE HEALTH, SEE A DOCTOR.
How do I politely tell a friend her talking about dieting is triggering? She and I have both suffered from disordered eating in the past. I think she is very skinny so when she talks about how she wants to lose weight it throws me into a panic. She's a relatively new friend (we both met this term on a study abroad), so it's not like she is obligated to already understand my problems, but I feel like I should say something before it gets worse.
tw: eating disorder
I agree that you should say something!
If you feel you trust this friend, ask to have a one on one conversation with her about your disordered eating. Use “I feel” kinds of phrases instead of “You make me feel” phrases, and explain to her why her talking about dieting makes you feel anxious and upset. Something like, “Hey friend, I really value and care about our friendship, and I just wanted to let you know that I have a history of disordered eating. I’m trying to work on this, and I hope I can have your support, though I understand if you feel you can’t take it on. When you talk about dieting, I often feel really anxious and upset because diets are a trigger for me. Can we work on keeping weight and diets out of our conversations, at least for the foreseeable future?”
If you need to work up to this, start gently changing the subject whenever her diet comes up. She says “Ugh, I need to lose weight,” you say, “Oh, I don’t think so. Hey, did you see Brooklyn Nine Nine this week?” or whatever. Acknowledging what she said without dwelling on it, and then redirecting, makes her feel that you’re listening without you having to sit there and listen to her trigger you.
If she’s receptive to talking — and it sounds like she would be, because you have it in common — it’ll open a good dialogue for you guys to talk about it and figure out ways to support each other and you’ll probably become closer. Yay!
If she’s not, that’s OK too. It has nothing to do with you. People deal with their body stuff in different ways! But I think if I were in that situation, I would try to distance myself from her a little bit, because triggering people aren’t fun!
Whenever I search for help w/ my eating disorder, all I find is help for anorexic or bulimic people. I'm an over-eater, I eat to bury my thoughts, but I don't throw up afterwards, i just get fatter which makes me want to eat even more. Can you link me to any good sites for ppl trying to overcome overeating?
tw: eating disorder
I can. Start with Overeaters Anonymous; they’re an anonymous support program to help you with your journey. Through them you’ll be able to find a network of sympathetic, supportive people.
ED question: I've finally come to terms with the fact that I have disordered eating. How do I know if it's serious for me to need to tell someone (other than my close friends)? TW height/weight I'm 5'7" and my weight fluctuates around 120 lbs, though I prefer it to be closer to 115 (knowing full well I actually look better closer to 125). Pretty sure this is healthy for my height. If I'm not underweight, I don't need to see a doctor, right?
tw: disordered eating
First of all, I’m not a doctor or a licensed professional, so there’s that.
You may not need to see a doctor, but you should definitely find a therapist. Definitely. I’ve found therapy incredibly helpful in managing my EDNOS and unpacking the reasons behind it and the things that trigger it. It’s not something that’s easy to manage alone, and if you’re confessing it here, it’s serious enough that you should reach out for support.
Today’s the first day of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. With that in mind and as we head into spring, some handy reminders from your friendly neighborhood body acceptance activist!
First of all, feel free to ask me any questions you have about fat and weight stigma, or body acceptance. Or my own experiences with disordered eating. (But note that I’ll ignore and block you if you start being an asshole. #bye)
Second, please keep the following in mind:
- Talking about dieting can be very hurtful and triggering! You never know who’s in a group of people with you. Aside from often making people with no eating disordered behavior feel guilty and shamed for not being on a diet (literally everyone I know get stressed out talking about diets), you might accidentally trigger someone who has a history of ED. This is a serious thing, y’all. Diet talk is so accepted in our culture, especially among women, that a lot of people do it casually all the time, but remember that your discussion of your diet might seriously harm someone near you.
- Ditto using “fat” as a word for a feeling! Fat is not a feeling, it’s an adjective. Saying that you’re being so fat for finishing your pancakes or that you “feel so fat today” reinforces the societally accepted trope that being fat is the worst thing ever, and that fat people are gross and lazy and gluttonous and undesirable. What you mean when you say “I feel fat” is that you feel gross, undesirable, gluttonous, and all those things I just mentioned. It’s OK to express your feelings! And if you feel gross, by all means vent to someone about how you feel gross. But try not to use “fat” as a catch-all for those feelings. Aside from this being just kind of an asshole thing to do, you as a person will feel so much better if you stop equating feeling good = skinny and feeling bad = fat. Trust me.
These are the two things that I want most to be gone from this world (well, aside from racism, misogyny, transphobia, rape culture, and economic inequality). If you would be so kind as to, even for just this week, watch how you talk about yourself and others, I’d be so chuffed.
“I’m here today because I am gay. And because… maybe I can make a difference. To help others have an easier and more hopeful time. Regardless, for me, I feel a personal obligation and a social responsibility. I also do it selﬁshly, because I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission. I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered. And I’m standing here today, with all of you, on the other side of all that pain. I am young, yes, but what I have learned is that love, the beauty of it, the joy of it and yes, even the pain of it, is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being. And we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise.”—Ellen Page (x)
Trying to help the woman who gave me everything even when we had nothing.
My friend is holding a fund raiser to help save her mom’s house.
By donating you will be entered in a raffle and could win some awesome Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter Swag!
Please, ever $1 helps.
I couldn’t say why this fundraiser of all fundraisers has caught my attention, but it has. This person’s mother has been the subject to years of financial and emotional manipulation and abuse from her ex-husband who seems hell bent on ruining her life and taking away her home despite being quite wealthy himself.
Being able to pay off the (relatively small) amount left on the mortgage would free her from the threat of him having her home taken away.
Yeah. Idk. This woman hasn’t had an easy life and I really hope that she gets the funds she needs. It’s no Homestuck video game, but arguably it’s more important.
Almost every time I speak to teenagers, particularly young female students who want to talk to me about feminism, I find myself staggered by how much they have read, how creatively they think and how curiously bullshit-resistant they are. Because of the subjects I write about, I am often contacted by young people and I see it as a part of my job to reply to all of them - and doing so has confirmed a suspicions I’ve had for some time. I think that the generation about to hit adulthood is going to be rather brilliant.
Young people getting older is not, in itself, a fascinating new cultural trend. Nonetheless the encroaching adulthood and the people who grew up in a world where expanding technological access collided with the collapse of the neoliberal economic consensus is worth paying attention to. Because these kids are smart, cynical and resilient, and I don’t mind saying that they scare me a little.
”—‘Today’s teendagers are smarter, tougher and braver than my generation - and yours, too’, Laurie Penny (via hymenopterror)
ASDAH has revised the HAES(r) Principles. I think they have done a great job addressing some of the previous problems with intersectionality and social justice issues:
The Health At Every Size® Principles are:
Weight Inclusivity: Accept and respect the inherent diversity of body shapes and sizes and reject the idealizing or pathologizing of specific weights.
Health Enhancement: Support health policies that improve and equalize access to information and services, and personal practices that improve human well-being, including attention to individual physical, economic, social, spiritual, emotional, and other needs.
Respectful Care: Acknowledge our biases, and work to end weight discrimination, weight stigma, and weight bias. Provide information and services from an understanding that socio-economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, and other identities impact weight stigma, and support environments that address these inequities.
Eating for Well-being: Promote flexible, individualized eating based on hunger, satiety, nutritional needs, and pleasure, rather than any externally regulated eating plan focused on weight control.
Life-Enhancing Movement: Support physical activities that allow people of all sizes, abilities, and interests to engage in enjoyable movement, to the degree that they choose.
I just wanted to bring your attention to the fact that the New Jersey Abortion Access Fund, which gives monetary support to people who can’t afford abortions in NJ, is running very, very low on funds. If you have even a dollar to spare, I know they would appreciate it enormously.
Having lived in New Jersey for a big chunk of my adult life, I can tell you that this organization does a huge amount of good for low-income people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get access to sometimes life-saving abortions. Please help if you can, even if you’re not in NJ! If you can’t — and I totally understand that, friends — maybe give this a reblog or a FB share to spread the word?
I am proud to be an Asian woman and to look the way that I do. My issue with being an Asian woman and trying to date has less to do with my perception of myself, and everything to do with the way I am treated and perceived by men, specifically non-Asian men. Settling for being treated like nothing more than an exotic souvenir gets really old really fast.
People with Yellow Fever don’t want to get to know Asian women.
In fact, I would venture to say that they don’t care very much about Asian women at all.
They are more concerned with the idea of us – the notion that we are adorable little kawaii girls or demure lotus flowers or geisha-like sexual objects.
Their attraction to Asian women relies on stereotypes that turn us into exotic sexual objects instead of real women.
“3 percent of the decision-making in media comes from women. That means 97 percent of how women are portrayed is decided on by men.”—
Independent Lens, PBS “Wonder Women! The Untold Story of American Superheroines” (via ihopeyoucontinue4ever)
It also means that 97 percent of how men are portrayed in media are decided on by men. Something to remind MRAs and their ilk of when they complain about the stereotype of men as inept slobs, bad fathers, etc in media and advertising.
Men have the power. So when we men are shat on by the powers that be you don’t get to try and blame women for that.
17% of cardiac surgeons are women, 17% of tenured professors are women. It just goes on and on. And isn’t that strange that that’s also the percentage of women in crowd scenes in movies? What if we’re actually training people to see that ratio as normal so that when you’re an adult, you don’t notice?
…We just heard a fascinating and disturbing study where they looked at the ratio of men and women in groups. And they found that if there’s 17% women, the men in the group think it’s 50-50. And if there’s 33% women, the men perceive that as there being more women in the room than men.