While we both fall under the queer umbrella, our experiences differ greatly. Perhaps this challenges the idea of a queer umbrella to begin with—do we really have that much in common?
But that’s beside the point.
There are troublesome trends in the gay cis community that should be noted. Here’s a checklist. Gay cis dudes, spot these trends and stop it. To my followers: if you have items to add or I slip up, let me know!
- It is not okay to poke fun at vulvae or describe how much they disgust you. You’re mocking my sexuality by doing so. You’re mocking some trans* folks’ body parts by doing so.
- Being gay does not absolve you of other privileges.
- Speaking of racism, it’s awesome to be feminine. It isn’t awesome to joke about how you are secretly a “sassy black woman” when you are actually a white cis dude. It feeds into stereotypes about women of color.
- Being gay does not mean you may touch my breasts without asking. I am uncomfortable being touched without given permission, and I suspect it may trigger others too.
- Make sure your friends are okay being called sluts, whores, bitches, and so on. Not everybody is comfortable with historically misogynistic terms, however fondly you use them.
- Gay is not the new black. Queer rights are not comparable to the civil rights movement. To make these comparisons implies that racism is over, which is far from true.
I really wish someone had stapled this to my forehead when I first came out. I was a terrible human being.