Thin privilege is rarely, if ever, seeing someone’s dating profile specify “no skinnies”. Thin privilege is not having to dig through a thousand questions or more before discovering that the person who was highly matched with you would never date a thin person. Thin privilege is people being unashamed to state a preference for your body type, even if they use euphemisms like “someone who takes care of herself/himself”. Thin privilege is not being terrified of a hostile, even disproportionately angry reaction when you tell someone you were flirting with that you are thin.
Dating sucks for everyone, believe me I know. The stuff I put up with dating while fat, you would not believe. I actually came to appreciate the people who stated outright “no fatties” because at least I knew where not to waste my time.
(submitted by anon)
This is seriously the first thing I look for when looking at someone’s profile. OkCupid is the worst when it comes to this, though I have seen similar things on most online dating sites
There is the additional challenge this creates that because these preferences are so often stated in the negative, this makes it that much harder for fat people to search profiles to find partners expressing a positive interest. A search for “fat” or “BBW” or what have you will inevitably yield a wealth of results from everyone who said “no fat people”. This compounds the privilege thin people face in never having to consider qualifying their searches in this way at all.
Reblogging for awesome commentary.
This ^ so hard. I mean, the second sentence in my description is “I am plus sized.” I actually answered some of the match questions that were specifically about this. What comes to mind is, “If one of your matches was overweight, would that be a deal-breaker?” The most common answer I see, and the one that makes me most wary, is “Yes, but only if he/she were obese,” because then you have to wonder what that person considers ‘obese’. If they’re thinking a size 14 is obese, I’m out of the running completely, but if they think a more moderate 20 is obese then I might be in the ‘datable zone’. Even worse, the question, “Can overweight people still be sexy?” When they answer, “Yes,” instead of being reassured I’m sent into a panic wondering if I fit into their paradigm of beauty. Overall, online dating is hard and scary and anxiety-inducing and I would not recommend it… except that it’s pretty much the only way that I meet and interact with anyone who I can easily confirm is available and looking.
I feel the same way so often. I always wonder what people think when they answer that question since most people do not have a grasp at what ‘obese’ looks like. That said, I don’t want to date someone or be in a relationship with someone who would answer that question in a negative or fat shaming way. More often than not they will not be fat positive and will be at odds with the work I do.
1am confessions time: the above reasons are why I’ve basically given up on dating sites and actively looking for someone to date. It’s funny, because some of the most valuable friendships in my life have come directly from the Internet, but online dating is a cesspool of failure and woe. Like, it sucks up so much of my energy for absolutely no purpose because inevitably it leads to higher insecurity, lowered self-esteem, and a pervasive sense of worthlessness and/or utter lack of desireability that I can’t shake off. Why invest that kind of effort into a situation that doesn’t yield anything positive for me?