Asked by
Anonymous

TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of weight loss, eating disorders, and fat hatred.

Oy. Okay. You’re lucky I’m feeling patient today, because regardless of your intention, this is an incredibly rude question — just FYI.

First, there are a few basic general truths here you need to understand:

1. Diets are 95% ineffective. (Here are more things to read).
2. Self-esteem fluctuates in people of all body sizes, and all gender identities, all the time. You cannot tell by looking at someone whether or not they’re comfortable with or like themselves. This is as true of that Anne Hathaway lookalike in your English 101 class as it is of me.
3. Health and happiness are possible at any size.

Now we’ll get to me, since you’ve asked.

Here I am at around one year old:

And late elementary/early middle school:

At this point I was being bullied so mercilessly in school that I would sob in the morning and beg not to go. I had used gum thrown at me, screws loosened in chairs so they’d collapse, nasty things written on my locker, and few friends — no one would risk being kind to me. In middle school, people were openly hateful; once, in a mandatory Home Ec class, the other two people in my group were openly praying that I wasn’t there when I came in late and didn’t bother hiding their disgust when I did show up. This was all for being fat (and, I assume, for having the coolest sweatshirt ever manufactured by Macy’s).

Here I am at the height of my eating disorder in 2006/2007, at which point I was 70 or 80 pounds lighter than I currently am (pardon my then-boyfriend’s hair):

The reason these aren’t great is because this was also the height of my self-loathing, and I did not allow full-body pictures of myself to be taken. It should also be said that at this time I was regularly fainting, chronically dehydrated, and losing muscle mass, not fat (yes, I did see a cardiologist at that time to ensure my heart was still functioning properly).

Here, in August at the SPARK retreat (rapping along to Nicki Minaj with the indomitable Lil’ Carmen):

And now (the picture quality is shitty because I literally just took this on iPhoto in my living room, hence the cup of tea on the couch behind me):

As you can see, I have always been fat. Even at my thinnest I was never lighter than 165lbs (I weighed myself religiously at that time). Once I started recovering from my eating disordered behavior, I gained that weight back steadily and have capped out at my current body weight. It’s now thought that body size may be as inheritable as hair color. 

The difference between the pictures taken in 2007 and the one I took just now is something like 70 pounds — I’m not sure exactly how much because I haven’t weighed myself in months. It amounted to the following in actual body changes: 

• Significantly decreased focus, motivation, self-esteem, endurance, and energy.
• As I mentioned previously, chronic dehydration and fainting.
• Significantly increased depression.
• 1 pants size. I went from a 16 to a 14.

I am currently between an American size 16 and an American size 18 depending on the brand of clothing I’m looking at. I’m probably like 220 pounds? I don’t really know. I’m 5’8”, meaning most doctors consider me obese. 

(Yes! I am the obeast! I am what the media warns you about! I AM HERE TO EAT ICE CREAM TOPPED WITH PURE SUGAR AND HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP AND SPURN ATHLETIC EQUIPMENT!)

You know what, though, friend? I feel good about myself about 70% of the time. This is because I take care of myself. I move my body joyfully and often, I eat the things my body tells me to eat, I surround myself with positive and affirming people, I limit my exposure to trolls as best I can, and I have done a lot of work to stop thinking about myself in terms of hatred. Let me reiterate that for you, just so we’re as clear as we can possibly be: weight has had very, very little to do with my happiness.

You know that saying “misery is other people?” The 30% of the time when I feel shitty about myself occurs when comment threads like this happen (serious trigger warning there for all manner of rape apologism and fat hatred), which is, if you were wondering, any time a picture of me is posted anywhere for any reason. I feel shitty about myself when I get rejected romantically for a ton of reasons outlined in that link. I feel shitty about myself when I start comparing myself to other people. I feel shitty about myself when I am reminded, essentially, that American culture believes I should feel shitty about myself.

You embody this belief, you know. It’s why you assume that I don’t feel good about myself because I’ve reclaimed the word “fat.” It’s why you assume that fat people don’t feel good about themselves, or shouldn’t. It’s why you assume that being thinner would make people feel better about themselves. And it’s why you felt entitled to come into my inbox anonymously, assume I hate myself, and ask me why I don’t just change it as if it’s as simple as changing a pair of dirty underwear.

• Tags
• ask
• fat hatred
• concern troll

Asked by
katie-stilinski

Nope.

I’ve reclaimed the word “fat” for myself as part of my fat acceptance and body positive activism. Reclaiming words that have been used as slurs can be incredibly empowering. 

Fatphobia and fat hatred use fat as a way to dehumanize and disempower other people. I do literally the opposite of that.

• Tags
• ask
• amy poehler is straight up one of my heroes but homegirl is a little heavy on the fat jokes
• if you'll pardon the pun

Asked by
Anonymous

You know, I’m actually not.

Apologism is justifying or excusing the problematic or hurtful things that people do as if the good things that they do cancel them out. I don’t do that. I don’t think that Jennifer Lawrence, for instance, should be excused for the transphobic things she’s said. I don’t think that Taylor Swift’s slut-shaming and sex negativity should be glossed over or never talked about. I don’t think that Daniel Tosh and Seth Macfarlane and The Onion should be excused because “it’s humor” and humor is different, or whatever. I don’t think that Lena Dunham’s or Caitlin Moran’s racist comments should be ignored, nor Amy Poehler’s repeated fatphobia in her writing on Parks and Rec, nor that the domestic abuse that celebrity men in Hollywood have committed should be ignored.

I think all of these should be talked about and hashed through and that people are responsible for their actions, period. (I also think women are often targeted more harshly than men, but that’s another conversation entirely).

The discourse Tumblr prefers simplifies people to “good” and “bad” and has a tendency to demonize. There’s certainly no room for nuance or subjectivity or empathy in that discourse (and in some situations — rape, abuse, hate crimes or hate speech — there shouldn’t be). And, frankly, I don’t like it. I think it stymies learning and alienates those that need the help the most — and by that I don’t mean allies, but people who need movements and are just starting their journey into them. Not everyone starts a Tumblog with a textbook expertise of privilege theory and what it means. What about the queer teenager who has just figured out they’re trans* and loves Jennifer Lawrence? What about the kids that the It Gets Better project have actually helped? What about the countless girls who need to hear messages that skinny isn’t the only thing they can be, and isn’t the most important thing they have to be? If they get those messages from Lena Dunham or Jennifer Lawrence, does that make those messages less valuable? Hell, if you finally internalize that you’re good enough, and the person who made you believe that was Dan Savage or Lady Gaga, does that mean that belief about yourself is invalid or less valuable because it came from a hugely problematic source?

I dunno, I don’t think it does.

The vast majority of people aren’t just good or bad. They’re a mix of the good and the bad. I’ve done shit I am not proud of. Everyone I know has done shit they’re not proud of, that has hurt other people or perpetuated harmful beliefs or supported a part of our culture that oppresses someone else. And everybody — everybody — has privilege of a kind. Privilege in and of itself doesn’t make people scum. And those who are the most privileged (and many celebrities are hitting the top rungs, there) have the most work to do to unpack that privilege. It’s a learning curve that not all of them are capable of. Frankly (and I think people forget this) it’s a learning curve that many people aren’t exposed to in this framework. 

The social justice parts of Tumblr are a unique place because they provide a framework for privilege education that simply doesn’t exist in many other places.

TL;DR: I think it’s important to task people — celebrities included — to do the work to be more empathetic citizens of the world (which is, actually, a phrase that I get a ton of secondhand embarrassment from, but I can’t think of a better one at the moment). I don’t think it’s worthwhile, useful, or fair to pretend that people exist only as “good” or “bad.”

And, to state the painfully obvious explicitly, if anyone ever tries to justify a rape or domestic abuse to me, I will break your nose. 

• Tags
• ask
• rape culture
• apologism

Asked by
Anonymous

I believe you.

These people will, too, if you need someone to talk to. I’ve used them before. It helps — feels like starting to heal.

• Tags
• tw: ed
• trigger warning
• eating disorders
• ask
• resources

Asked by
Anonymous

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDERS

Okay, not only are you really really wrong, but it’s super fucking dangerous for you to go around saying this kind of thing to people — and anonymously, no less. You realize you could hurt someone, right? Words have power. You could very easily trigger an individual with an eating disorder back into incredibly self-harmful behavior by minimizing and disdaining their experiences. Your ignorance is not an excuse for cruelty, period, and your ignorance is not a barrier between your actions and the very real consequences they could have for others.

What is Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)?

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual – 4th Edition (DSM-IV) recognizes two distinct eating disorder types, anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa. If a person is struggling with eating disorder thoughts, feelings or behaviors, but does not have all the symptoms of anorexia or bulimia, that person may be diagnosed with eating disorder not otherwise specified (EDNOS). The following section lists examples of how an individual may have a profound eating problem and not have anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa.

• A female patient could meet all of the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa except she is still having her periods
• A person could meet all of the diagnostic criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that, despite significant weight loss the individual’s current weight is in the normal range.
• A person could meet all of the diagnostic criteria for bulimia nervosa are met except that the binge eating and inappropriate compensatory mechanisms occur at a frequency of less than twice a week or for duration of less than 3 months.
• The person could use inappropriate compensatory behavior by an individual of normal body weight after eating small amounts of food (e.g., self-induced vomiting after the consumption of two cookies). This variant is often called purging disorder.
• The person could repeatedly chewing and spitting out, but not swallowing, large amounts of food.
• Binge-eating disorder is also officially an EDNOS category (see separate fact sheet for BED): recurrent episodes of binge eating in the absence if the regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors characteristic of bulimia nervosa.

The examples provided above illustrate the variety of ways in which disordered eating can look when a person has EDNOS, but this list of examples does not provide a complete picture of the many different ways that eating disorder symptoms can occur. 

I strongly encourage you to read up on what you’re talking about before you tell anyone else to “quit bitching.”

• Tags
• tw: ed
• eating disorders
• ask
• trigger warning