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how to dress for your shape: are you human-shaped? play up your natural sex appeal by wearing whatever the fuck you want

Life Tip: As the weather gets warmer, continue to wear whatever the fuck you want. Flaunt everything or keep it cool under cover. Dress to make yourself feel rad.

how to get a bikini body:
put a bikini on your body

Want to look great naked? Take all your clothes off.

Want to feel good in bed? Try a Tempurpedic mattress.

Want a great beach body? Take your body to the beach. Frolic in ocean. Repeat.

Looking to lift up your breasts? Hold them and lift them up. Motorboat yourself if possible. 

On self-esteem and the struggle, or why I’m not into that Dove ad.

By now it’s entirely likely you’ve seen it: Dove put out an ad where a bunch of women sit down and describe themselves to a forensic artist. Then, a stranger they just met describes them to a forensic artist. Surprise! They’re not as ugly as they think they are!

Look, here’s some real talk: I do not know a single person who doesn’t struggle with body image on a daily basis, male or female, to varying degrees. And when I first watched this ad, I was moved. Of course I was — they’re paying a lot of people a lot of money to ensure I am moved. And it is, in fact, moving to see an advertisement so clearly focused on pointing out that people are often their own harshest critics, and that being hard on yourself isn’t fair. I loved that. Let me repeat: I loved that, and was nearly in tears for a good part of the ad. 

I am all for things that make people feel more beautiful. To paraphrase Margaret Cho, I’m gutted by those who don’t find most others beautiful, because they’re missing out on a lot of beauty in the world. I have no doubt that the women featured in this ad did feel shitty about themselves, and might still. Listening to them describe themselves felt like… Well, like listening to myself. Can’t be too vain, here. Gotta be “honest.” Gotta play ourselves down, all the time, as if admitting that we like something about ourselves is a cardinal sin.

God, it hurt.

And then we got to the strangers, and the first stranger says, “She was thin, so you could see her cheekbones… And her chin? It was a nice, thin chin…”

God, that hurt too.

Thin, thin, thin. The mantra I’ve been repeating to myself my whole goddamn life. No part of me is thin or ever has been. My wrists, maybe? Uh?

Of course, they show the women seeing their portraits, too — the ones they described and the ones others did. And most of them tear up. I would, too. Hell, I did, too, because when I watched this the first time I was emotionally tangled up in it in a way I didn’t expect. I wanted to like it; I wanted to be moved. I was moved.

One woman looked at the portrait of herself that she’d drawn and said, “This one looks more… closed off. Fatter. And sadder, too.”

Ah.

I wanted to love this ad. I wanted so badly to believe that an advertising company is using its considerable powers for good. I wanted to feel like acceptance is a thing, like at least one ad company really is trying to expand the ideas of what beautiful is and what people want to see.

Instead, I got more of the usual: Thin good. Fat bad. It triggered serious body dysmorphia in me today that I had a lot of trouble dealing with and tried to ignore or circumnavigate instead of approaching head-on.

Why are we so validated by this dichotomy of fat versus thin? Why are we so relieved when others tell us we’re thinner than we think we are, or that we’re not fat? I ask these rhetorical questions because I have answers: we equate good traits with thinness and bad traits with fatness. Thin people are friendly, open, healthy, beautiful, and good. Fat people are lazy, stupid, gluttonous, unhygienic, ugly, and bad. When you tell someone you don’t think they’re fat, what you’re usually telling them is that you don’t associate any of the aforementioned traits with them. This has nothing to do with whether or not they are actually fat.

Ultimately, Dove is trying to sell us something, and that something is a cosmetics product. Given this, I understand that my frustration is probably a little unfair, but God, am I sick of feeling alienated by campaigns promoting “real beauty” that want nothing to do with my fat ass.

Dear Sugar #86: Tiny Revolutions»

I’d like to quote this, but it is in its entirety just perfect. But here is a teaser:

You have to find a way to inhabit your body while enacting your deepest desires. You have to be brave enough to build the intimacy you deserve. You have to take off all of your clothes and say, I’m right here.

I have it bookmarked for the days in which I feel like shit. Read the whole thing, seriously.

on seventeen diet day and seventeen’s control over my body

17teenvoguechallenge:

It wasn’t about the hunger. There were moments of hunger, mostly after I finished a meal when I realized that all I had until the next one was dried fruit. But I wasn’t hungry for most of the day.

 The worst part of yesterday was thinking about food. I thought about wanting food so much I felt as if I was back in 7th grade.

 Back then I remember deciding that my stomach was too round, not flat and beautiful. I decided I would eat three meals a day, with one small snack in between. I would get home at the end of the day and pour myself a bowl of goldfish.  While I did my homework I carefully ate each one, and then stared at the empty bowl, longing for just one more cracker.  

 Nowadays, I usually get home a little after five and have a big snack.

Yesterday as I sat down at my desk and unpacked my homework all I could think about was food. At school I thought about food a lot, but had distractions. Now I was in my own home and downstairs was just a place with food I wasn’t supposed to eat.  

 It isn’t normal or healthy for so many of your thoughts during the day to center around wanting food or convincing yourself to wait just a little bit longer to eat. I did this diet for one day, as part of a week long focus on health and fitness. YingYing and I will discuss this further as our challenge comes to a close, but during the day I was grateful that I didn’t have to follow this diet and do complex braids, sneaky workouts and flirty texting.

 Today I did some of the sneaky workouts that Seventeen suggested. There was adding weight to your backpack (unnecessary, mine is already super heavy), tightening your abs in class for 30 seconds (which is difficult to do while paying attention to what your teacher is saying), and the “isometric arm curls” which are so ridiculous that you’ll have to try them yourself. Next week, I challenge ya’ll to try this in a public setting.  

 Remembering to do these “no workout workouts” was the hardest part. What it requires is constantly thinking about working out, about toning arms, flattening the belly and shaping the butt. Doing this requires giving a major part of your daily thought to workouts and portions. I want teenage girls to dedicate big parts of their thoughts to activities they’re passionate about. I want this brain space to go to fun, to enjoying being a kid, to being ferociously curious. 

 There is a workout for every part of the day. I gave my body to Seventeen magazine and it feels awful. I’m not hungry or sore. I feel as if they’re looking me in the eye saying, “you have no excuse not to have a perfect body! If you don’t have flat abs it’s because you lay on the couch and relaxed while watching your favorite show. You could have been doing jumping jacks during the commercial breaks!”

 Seventeen magazine feels toxic in my hands. Last week it felt a ridiculous, “how can you expect me to go out in public with my hair saturated, dripping with gel.” Now I feel its power to destroy.   

-alice

Emphasis mine. 

“

As a fat kid, I was made very aware that my body was wrong. I got it from all angles, but the adults. The adults were the worse.

I remember one of the first times I knew I was fat, and also knew that being fat was bad. I was five-years-old and going to a classmate’s pool party. I remember being dropped off and marching into the pool area, ready to get busy with some fake wave action — I was so excited to be at such a fancy pool. However, as soon as I arrived, one girl — a girl whose name I remember to this day! — told me I should “cover up” because I was “so fat”. Worst part, I remember looking to the adults — including her own mother — and thinking that someone would do something, but they all just giggled and half-heartedly told her to knock it off. I wonder where that girl learned it from. (Read: I don’t, it was clearly her shitty mom.)

I spent the rest of the party in a bathroom stall, waiting for my mom to pick me up. I was too embarrassed to tell her what happened, for fear she, too, would realize I was fat. I already knew that she thought fat was bad because of all the shit she talked about her own body.

Obviously that shit affected me in ways that are still difficult to talk about — and frankly, not all of those ways were bad. I grew tough as nails eventually, and have a well of courage and strength that’s pretty fucking deep. I also have a deep empathy for and kinship to people (and animals!) in unfair and difficult situations — and that’s served me well in lots of ways. I’m happy with who I am.

”

Laura Beck

Overidentifying with this article like a bawse.

“

It is hard to be a fat girl. No matter how much you tell yourself how sexy, talented, amazing, worthy, fabulous, and genius you are, there is a pretty serious backlash that you are facing – on a minute by minute basis. And, I’ll tell you, I consider myself pretty tough and persistently body positive, but it is not easy to be kick-ass all the time. Especially when someone tells you point blank to your fact that you are fat and you need to lose weight or you will… (insert really scary reason here – usually culminating in the fact that you will be fat, alone, and unlovable until you lose some weight).

And I absolutely guarantee that inside every phenomenal kick-ass fat positive role model is the tiniest inkling of doubt and fear, and every once and a while, when you are feeling a little vulnerable, even the toughest, most awesome girl can be tripped up, even if they refuse to admit it. I’ll even go out on a limb and say that I believe this so wholeheartedly – anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. This is not to say that we should just succumb to the cultural standards and get all weak in our knees when someone calls us fat – we will keep fighting and loving ourselves no matter what and becoming role models for other women to follow in our example, BUT there has to be some room for honesty in the equation. And honestly? It is not always easy to be a Body Image Warrior.

”

gleeky: mercedes and the bout of negative body image | Medicinal Marzipan (via rawwomen)  (via daniellemertina) (via fatbodypolitics)

So if you see Girl Scouts selling their delicious cookies

And they’re like amazing nine-year-olds who will rule the world someday and they say, “Hey, would you like to buy some cookies?” can you not tell them “No, thank you, I’m watching my weight/afraid of getting fat/can’t have them in my house?”

Because what you’re telling those girls is that fat = bad and that weight matters more than trying to learn how to run a business and that cookies are a moral failing. They are NINE. For realz, if you don’t want some cookies, just say “No thank you!”

This message brought to you by the multiple women who said something like that to a seven-year-old and an eleven-year-old trying to sell some cookies in their merit-badge-studded vests outside of a supermarket today.

They had a sign that said “If you’re worried about gaining weight, you can always donate!”

Don’t tell me that’s not some of the most heart-wrenching shit you’ve heard today.

ADVICE VLOG #2: IS IT OK TO BE PART OF A BODY-POSITIVE MOVEMENT AND STILL FEEL SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF?

I get this kind of question a lot. The short answer: yes. Of course it is. Everybody feels shitty about themselves. I feel shitty about myself today, for instance. It happens! It’s like, part of the cycle of being human.

This is a really short video, but if you have any follow-up questions, feel free to ask me.

Things I neglected to include in this video that I want to say here: If you feel shitty about yourself for a while or your shitty feelings make you want to hurt yourself, please reach out. You deserve love and support. Like, you really, really do. Everybody does. You can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you need to talk to someone about how you’re feeling.

ADVICE VLOG #1: THE PERSON YOU’RE FUCKING SHOULD WANT TO SEE YOU NAKED.

NSFW: I say “fuck” a lot and talk about nudity.

I had an anonymous question today that so distressed me that I needed to answer it WITH MY ACTUAL FACE.

Note: I got a follow-up question from this same anon (indicating they were the same anon) telling me they were indeed a lady datin’ a dude, which I forgot to mention while recording this video — otherwise I’d totally be a heteronormative jerk, and ain’t nobody got time for that.