Commenter #51 (via vaginawoolf)
Look I’m sick of hearing this shit.
I’ve had sexist thoughts and feelings about men. The existence of those thoughts and feelings doesn’t invalidate feminism or privilege theory - men aren’t oppressed, women are, and individual incidents of sexism towards men don’t challenge that fact. But by claiming my sexist thoughts and feelings don’t exist, you’re invalidating my human experience.
The word “sexism” isn’t just relevant to discussion about oppression or privilege. It’s also an important part of many people’s individual moral systems. I try not to judge people based upon their gender; so if, let’s say, I’m thinking about bitter moments in my love life, and I think “ugh, boys are so stupid,” I want to be able to catch myself. I want to be able to say, ahh, that’s sexist! I wonder why I thought that? How am I biased by the particular experiences I’m focusing on? Have I had experiences involving men that might challenge my generalization?
“Sexism” is a goddamn useful word and I refuse to have it taken away from me. “Misandry” isn’t a word that should be purged from the language either, since there are literally people out there who think women should rule the world and enslave men as per biological superiority - I’ve met them.
What I think (justly) frustrates feminists about “sexism towards men” and “misandry” is that, 90% of the time, those words are being abused by misogynists, rape apologists, and privilege deniers in attempts to silence women and justify their own power. And that’s idiotic and terrible and yes, it’s overwhelming to defend against their repetetive, stupid, pompous arguments. The answer isn’t invalidating the entire concept they’re abusing, though. It’s not going to make them stop and it isn’t going to help us make sense of the world.
And so the time has not come for exceptions.
Seriously. “Sexism against men!” and “misandry!” are such bullshit phrases right now because very few people who use them are doing so for anything less than misogynistic or anti-feminist purposes. They are, and I will repeat it, bullshit terms because in the lexicon of our language and in the context of our culture, there is very little equality — and that which has been gained is under vicious, violent attack by people, many of them cis men, who fly the flag of “misandry” to justify their violence and hatred. And given their male privilege and their systematically constructed power over women, it has a much more dangerous and odious flavor to it.
Until that stops, I won’t be boo-hooing about anger toward men or trying to catch myself in “sexist” thoughts about men. The two are from completely different cultural roots and have almost nothing to do with one another. So no, men are not the victims of sexism, and it’s bullshit to whine about how useful those words are when they are, in fact, not useful at all as much other than tools of bigotry.
The fact that there are women in existence who want to take over the world and enslave men is probably true, but they are comparatively a small fucking number, and saying “but…” in this context is anti-feminist, borderline sexist in its own right, and wrong.
You can’t dismantle power structures with exceptions.